


So many things that I didn't get to say

by haroldshumjr



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom! Alec, M/M, Mutual Pining, Rimming, Rough Sex, Smut, Wall Sex, but they don't know it, oblivious idiots, these boys need to communicate srsly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 11:40:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10763514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haroldshumjr/pseuds/haroldshumjr
Summary: Magnus and Alec tried so hard to make it work but when things start hurting more than they're worth, it's better to just let go. But before they do, they want something to remember it by, one last time.





	So many things that I didn't get to say

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I know, right. I'm actually posting 2 stories in a matter of two weeks rather than months. This is a lil thing from an AU i was writing with my partner. Magnus and Alec were high school sweethearts but the relationship was just not working out. If there's enough interest, i might actually make this into an actual series with proper back story and everything! i personally love this plot so much and i'd love to explore it. I hope you guys enjoy it!

He wasn’t sure how it got to this point. They’d gone from loving each other, nothing but smiles as their gazes met, to this. One day the smiles started getting strained, the gazes no lingering like they used to. The thought of meeting each other didn’t bring about butterflies the way it used to. Seeing his name light up his phone didn’t bring warmth in the pit of his stomach like he was used to it doing. His heart would race like it used to but they were met with trembling hands, knowing that it wasn’t going to be good news. That whatever he said wasn’t going to be good news.

They’d started out just two kids in love, falling hard and fast for each other. They spoke of their future, trying to make everything work. They were going to go to college and once Alec graduated; they’d move in together and get married. They used to laugh at the sweet alter boy doing things backwards. The son of the local reverend shacking up with his partner – a man, no less – before marriage? It was unthinkable and yet that’s how they laid it out. It wasn’t going to be easy but they knew it was going to be worth it. At least they thought so.

Their lips met over and over again roughly, their hands tearing off the confining clothes. They couldn’t seem to get undressed quickly enough and they needed it. To feel the press of their bodies together, their skins both flushed as moans filled the air around them. It was what they both needed to pretend one last time.

Tears sprang to Magnus’ eyes at the unbidden thoughts, the emptiness that he knew would follow once Alec walked out of the door. Pushing away those thoughts, he pressed their lips hard, pressing the other man against the wall, wrists pinned above his head. His free hand went to Alec’s hand wrapping gently at the side of his neck – the only affection he would allow himself anymore. His tongue licked into the other’s mouth, the bitterness of alcohol hitting him along with the familiar taste of Alec. It was a heady combination and one that he couldn’t get enough of.

The hand by his neck raked down Alec’s back, his lips moving down to kiss and suck at the other’s neck. Deep bruises were left in the wake of his lips, the last chance he could to claim the other man. Their hips rolled against each other, the friction making them both moan loudly. It left Magnus breathless to hear the way Alec moaned, wordlessly begging out for more. Their hips met once more, another sinful sound escaping Alec, his skin already flushed with his wrists pinned to the wall.

Releasing Alec’s wrists, he spun the younger man around before pinning him against the wall once more. Magnus kicked the other’s legs apart before roughly pulling Alec’s jeans down. Nothing about this was gentle. It wasn’t about how much they love each other. It was about how they fought and hurt and it still wasn’t enough. Magnus wanted to leave marks on Alec to remind him that he was there even if it was just once upon a time.

He nipped and sucked and bit at the skin down Alec’s back as he made his way down before he finally ended up on his knees. Above him, he could hear the younger man’s heavy breathing. Even without looking up, Magnus knew how Alec looked look with want in his gaze over his shoulder to see what Magnus was doing. Leaning forward, he bit at Alec’s ass before running his tongue over the other’s opening, moaning softly.

His hot breath hit Alec’s flushed skin every time he pulled away, a hand trailing up the other’s leg before curling his fingers around Alec’s hardening length. It was the quickest way to make the younger man come, the moans spilling from Alec’s lips were evidence of that. His own length was rapidly hardening in his pants, resisting the urge to rut up against any surface he could reach.

“Magnus... Fuck – “ Alec moaned out as he looked at the other preparing him, although he suspected Magnus wasn’t going to be content with him coming just once tonight. The thought shouldn’t have been as arousing as it was but all it did was make him harder in Magnus’ hand.

Magnus’s tongue circled around the rim of Alec’s entrance before pushing his tongue into it, fucking into it. Unconsciously, Alec bucked back against the intrusion; needing more even if he knew he wasn’t going to give it to him just yet. Magnus started fucking into the other man in time with his strokes, determined to make Alec come more than once that night. He never wanted Alec to forget this night, even if it killed the both of them.

He could feel his saliva dripping down his chin and it felt filthy to be on his knees, not getting enough of Alec’s, taste but he needed this. His knees would be bruised at the end of the session and that was exactly what he needed. The physical pain that he knew was coming was going to at least give him some reprieve from the ache that was going to settle in his chest for the next few weeks at least.

Magnus sped up his strokes as Alec’s whimpers and moans got louder and more desperate. A light shiver went down his back at the noises his lover was making as he moaned softly against Alec’s skin. His own moans only grew louder when he felt Alec reaching down to tug hard at his hair, a silent plea for more. It hurt a bit but the sensation was addicting. He needed the pain.

“Mag -“ Alec managed to choke out before spilling all over his stomach and Magnus’ hand.

Pulling away, Magnus breathed heavily, running a hand through his hair before getting to his feet. He pushed his come covered fingers between Alec’s lips, watching the way the other’s lips stretched around his fingers as he tasted himself. He knew he looked just as wrecked as Alec in that moment even if he’d been barely touched. The front of his pants was already tented from the erection that he was sporting just from eating Alec out.

Alec knew exactly the effect that he had on Magnus; that much was obvious. Soft moans left him as he took the fingers deep into his mouth, running his tongue along the fingers. His hand travelled down the other’s body before palming Magnus through his pants. The last thing he wanted to be was gentle and he succeeded. He watched carefully the way Magnus’ eyes diluted, his heart stuttering slightly. It was so familiar, the way Magnus reacted. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it did to know Magnus so well and yet it did. His heart splintered at the thought that everything he knew about Magnus was just going to be useless information. There wasn’t going to be a birthday to celebrate anymore. No one to call when he couldn’t sleep at night and needed someone to love him.

“Fuck me,” Alec said, pushing his thoughts away. “I have lube in my pocket so just fuck me. You don’t have to stretch me.”

A part of him waited for Magnus to say no and chide him for being so reckless. More evidence that maybe he and Magnus didn’t know each other as well as they thought they did. But the rejection didn’t come. Instead, Magnus reached down for his discarded pants, putting the small packet of lube between his lips before undressing himself quickly.

“Hands and knees. On the bed,” Magnus said quietly as he poured the lube all over his erect member.

He stroked himself as he watched Alec crawl onto the bed slowly and deliberate with his movements. Magnus walked over to where Alec was before kneeling behind him. Aligning himself with Alec’s entrance, he pushed in slowly at first, moaning loudly at the friction as he threw his head back. His gaze went to the way Alec’s hands gripped on tightly to his duvet, knowing Alec was doing the exact thing he was doing.

He chose to shut his eyes instead as he continued pushing in until he bottomed out. He stilled, letting Alec get used to the stretch first, knowing it had to burn this time even if it was what Alec wanted. After a beat, Alec pushed back to beg for more without saying anything, wanting Magnus to fuck him and let him feel this for days.

Taking the hint, Magnus started moving, shallowly thrusting at first before properly canting his hips hard. The room was silent save for the grunts that left Magnus and the sound of their skins slapping with each thrust. Even with his eyes shut, Magnus knew how Alec would have his eyes shut tight, gripping hard onto the sheets as he whimpered for more.

When he opened his eyes, his suspicions were confirmed. Alec didn’t have his hands holding him upright anymore, his face pressed against the bed as he fisted his hands into the sheets, taking the intrusion. Sliding his hands up Alec’s back, he tangled his fingers through Alec’s raven hair before pulling him up as he continued fucking into Alec. The younger man cried out, yet Magnus knew this was what he needed and in that moment it felt like the perfect metaphor for their relationship.

They’d gotten to a point where all they did was hurt each other no matter how much they wanted the other. Every part of them craved the other, wanting to feel the touch of each other, wanting to drown in each other’s scents. They needed each other even if the love they had for each other wasn’t as pure and good as it was when they started out. The pair of them were high school sweethearts, falling madly in love with each other. Through thick and thin, even when things were ugly it was what they said but the reality hit and the ugliness of it all was too much.

“Ride me,” Magnus finally said before pulling out of Alec.

At the loss, Alec whined softly but complied anyway. This was what he knew. It was how Magnus took care of him, relieving him of the perfect son he had to be for his parents, the perfect brother for his siblings, the perfect student he had to be to achieve his grades. With Magnus, he’d been perfect however he came. Until it all stopped one day.

He turned to face Magnus before crawling over to go to the other’s lap. Keeping his gaze on his lover, Alec aligned himself before slowly sinking down onto Magnus’ length, never breaking their eye contact. When he’d managed to take Magnus’ full length, he stayed still, just enjoying the closeness for a second; the last pretense that they were still together even if just for this. Teeth tugging at his lower lip, Alec started moving, riding Magnus just as the other man had asked for.

Magnus kept his gaze on Alec’s, his hand tracing down the other’s torso before he started stroking Alec’s sensitive member. A soft hiss came from Alec, flinching away slightly from the touch before being stopped by the arm Magnus had around his waist. Soft moans left Magnus as Alec scratched hard down his back, lips biting and sucking all around his neck as he fucked himself on Magnus. They were both pulling out all the stops, wanting to bring pleasure to the other.

“Magnus… It hurts,” Alec whimpered out.

Despite his words, Magnus could feel Alec harden once more, albeit not as rapidly as he was earlier. He began to pull his touch away, not wanting to hurt the other despite everything until he felt the hand around his wrist guiding him back to what he was doing. He pulled away slightly to meet Alec’s gaze, searching for any signs that he might not have wanted this before going back to what he was doing.

Alec’s moans only grew louder, his movements more frantic as was Magnus’. His hips canted up into Alec, needing the wet heat around his erection. His fingers dug deep into the younger man’s hips, knowing that it’d leave bruises just as he knew the scratches down his back were going to burn when he showered. He continued fucking up into Alec with their bodies pressed together, both moaning each other’s names desperately. Their orgasms were both approaching and it was going to hit them hard.

“Alec I’m so close. I’m going to come,” Magnus moaned out softly as his thrusts started faltering slightly, his hips stuttering.

“Come in me, please. Come with me,” Alec pleaded.

It was the way Alec pleaded, the way he clung on to Magnus that did it as Magnus moaned Alec’s name loudly, spilling his load into Alec. Alec followed soon after, spilling between the small space between them before collapsing his weight on Magnus, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

They both knew. The moment one of them got to their feet, it was going to be over. There was no turning back from this decision. They’d be strangers even if they shared their lives together once upon a time. No matter how much it hurt, the next time their names popped up once more in each other’s lives, they were two people who didn’t care for each other.

It was Magnus who made the first move, pulling away. A lump formed in his throat as he turned his back on the man on his bed, looking anywhere but back. Once again tears sprang in his eyes as he listened to the rustling of the sheets followed by the sound of getting dressed.

“Your things are by the door,” he managed to choke out, waiting to feel the familiar arms wrapped around him. _Anything_ to salvage the ruins of the thing they called a relationship. It never came of course and neither did the goodbye that he thought Alec would at least award him. All that came were footsteps followed by the click of the door.

“See you around I guess.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments as always are always appreciated! Come talk to me on my [tumblr](http://genderqueermagnusbane.tumblr.com) where it's nothing but Magnus goodness bc lbr we all need it.


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